I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
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I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
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did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.