Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.