What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.