i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
this boner is exhausting
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
