I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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