so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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