She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm at about main and main street
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
do nipples grow back?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
