Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
