so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I don't deserve a penis
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
