All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
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they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
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was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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