I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
