I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
