Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
