oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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