Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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