You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
