you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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