We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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