I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
