this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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