If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
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I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
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I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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