i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
