no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
