His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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