I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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