my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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