R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
