I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Dick very happy bro
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