Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
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