Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
