If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
