My sheets look like a crime scene.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
