Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Text me some of your sweat
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