dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
