If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
