He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
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She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
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I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize