You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
