There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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