I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
