Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
