Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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