You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
