were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
