We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
