you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
