I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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