I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
