...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Randomize
