sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
