So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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