There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
