Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
