you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
