exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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