If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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