I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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