it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
