So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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