just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
