somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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