I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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