Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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