Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
