ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
