Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?