fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
im so drunk with asians
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
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Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
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Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.