I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
