mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
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I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
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just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
the evidence from last night is not good...
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.