How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
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I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
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I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now