I got chris browned last night
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
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I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
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THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.