I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i now understand why vodka
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
