it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
