I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
